Recently, I received a job offer. At first, I was almost glad. My family was sending me off to this, after talking me out of grander offers. This was decent, and higher paying, but less of an adventure. I sucked it up and decided I’d take the job.
Receiving the paperwork, my heart leapt into my throat. “No Cell Service”. I realize this is a first world problem, and as a teenager, I accept that. But there was only one person I talked to daily. And it was through a cellular device.
My friends soon set up a “goodbye day”, where we would simply have fun. I wasn’t privy to the plans, and it was all a grand surprise for me. My friend picked me up, and when I asked if I’d see my other half, she sighed, “No, he can’t make it”. I tried desperately to hide the look on my face, but my entire demeanor changed. Was I going to say “goodbye”?
The next morning, I even attempted to be a Peeping Tom, but she hid all of her phone conversations away from me, “No Kenzi, it’s a surprise!“. I huffed and ate the breakfast she made me.
Soon, she took me to a small amusement park, and we stood by the gates, “They’re almost here” she announced. At this point, I almost didn’t care who was coming. It wasn’t him, so what was the point? I crossed my arms, doing my best to stay my usual chipper and bubbly self. She pointed to a grey truck that was parking, but I couldn’t see anyone behind the tinted windows. As soon as he got out, I was in his arms, “You lied to me!” I mumbled to my friend against my love’s neck, “He did come!”. I heard her laugh, “Had to get you two together before you left!”.
The day was spent with an almost constant hand hold, or hug, or any sort of contact. Laughter swirled around us as we went from the amusement park to the mall (where he lost me to the Disney store…). I followed him happily, a lovedrunk puppy. But I had to keep pushing thoughts away.
“You’re going to have to say goodbye” my own mind reminded me, “And it’s going to hurt”. I ignored the thoughts, and banished any of “going”. I was in this moment, now, with him. I even snapped when someone asked why we were putting off leaving when there was no point to, “Because this goodbye is for six months!”. They’d expected the hurt, but not my anger. The grip on my hand got tight, holding me here as everyone got quiet. Letting us continue with ignoring the future.
But the time soon came. My friend and her half went inside the truck, leaving him and I outside in a parking lot. Immediately, the overwhelming feel of the “goodbye” blanketed me. I couldn’t quite breath, and my grip on him seemed to be the only thing holding me here.
“Hey,” he said quietly, but before he could continue, I wrapped myself in his arms, “You’ll write, right?” I choked. I’d told myself not to cry, but that plan was failing fast. He held me close, “What?”
“Y-You’ll write, r-” but I couldn’t get ay farther, the tears overcame me. His grip on me got significantly tighter, as if he could stop the tears. Most times, he could. But now?
“Hey,” he whispered against my temple as he rubbed my hair, “Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay”.
“I don’t want to go I-” I argued before I was over come again, and I heard his breath hitch, as if he was going to cry also.
“Shhh, no. Listen to me” he whispered, his voice gentle. I hiccuped, listening with my head against his chest so I could hear his heart also. “You’ll d so great at this. You don’t want to go right now but you’re going to love it. It’ll be okay”.
I wiped my eyes, taking deep breaths along with him, “A-And we’ll write?”
I felt him chuckle, “Of course, if you can read my awful handwriting!”. I laughed, hugging him close to me for a moment more.
“Hey,” he whispered again, a smile in his voice. I looked up at him, and felt my heart swell. Somehow, I knew. We could do this. We could make it through this easily. He is my other half, he is my soulmate, he is my one. I kissed him, pressing myself against him. A future played behind my eyes – A kiss years from now, at our wedding, a kiss over the head of our newborn, a kiss as our son drives the car for the first time by himself, a kiss as our daughter meets her own true love, a kiss as he leaves for the day, a kiss over dinner with grandchildren, and then back to this one. A kiss as a promise.
Yes, we are young, and maybe I’m looking far to into this. But I somehow know. I blend with him as I do no one else. We balance each other out. And maybe, maybe God just kinda likes cowboys and angels. . .